I hope that some day, when I sit down to write, words will turn up again. Words about something other than the two-headed dragon of stress and depression I've been facing for the past week or two. I really don't want to write another word about depression. (There are at least 20 posts on this blog about it. Depression is my co-pilot.) And what's more depressing than reading about other people's mental illnesses?
Instead of not writing about depression, I went looking for my old new camera. My new new camera—the one that I carry around with me all the time and often forget to use—is just a little too fancy for me. It's smarter than I am, and its proud of its fanciness. It tries to help me out by focusing on the dust in the air instead of my daughter's eyes. I thought I might have better luck with the old new camera, the replacement for the old camera with which I was quite comfortable.
I found the camera, turned it on, and...there were pictures on it. Just a few, but I didn't recognize them. Maybe Rob did. In any case, they were from a while ago: Westley's hair freshly trimmed, Ivy wearing pajamas she hasn't fit into in months.
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5 comments:
They are so cute! But even the cutest, healthies kids don't make you automatically happy. If you fell that it would help to write about the downsides, I will be here to read it. I'm not only hanging around for the great photos but because I started to become interested in you, depressed or not. (OK, and I am a HUGE fan of Ivy and your boy!)
Kerstin
Depression sucks and can go fuck itself on a merry go round. I hope this cloud passes and things don't feel as heavy.
I'm thinking of you and wishing good days ahead for you.
The last photo melts my heart!
Thinking of you!
Such precious photos :-) I am also sending supportive thoughts your way as you deal with the two-headed dragon.
I second the motion that depression can go fuck itself. I'm so sorry you're feeling down, mama. I completely understand not wanting to dedicate any more writing to depression, but please know that you can. You are allowed to feel how you feel (and I know you know this, but sometimes it's just nice to hear). Sending you good thoughts and wishing you better days ahead.
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