Sometimes the part of my mind that juggles everyday knowledge shuts up for a moment, and I'm suddenly awash in disbelief: I have a baby.
The fact that I have a baby usually occupies the same headspace as the fact that I have legs. Then awe strikes like lightning, and I say it over and over again inside myself—and sometimes out loud to Rob, who gently rolls his eyes at me for seeming so out of touch with reality—I have a baby.
Today I caught myself staring at Ivy, just staring and completely lost in the realness of her. (I did this with Westley, too, over and over again, until eventually the disbelief stopped feeling like a rip current yanking me out to sea.) In my closet, I have a picture from one of the dozen or so ultrasounds I had while pregnant with Ivy, and every time I see it I can't believe—but I can't not believe—that the little electric ghost profile is my daughter's face.
I don't know what to do with this information. It doesn't make sense. I can wrap my head around the whole sperm-egg-cell-division-new-human thing (sort of), but where did this baby come from? How is it that this very real thing—reproduction, the biology of why we're all here—can shift so easily into the surreal?
I have a baby. It's like holding an abalone shell. One side looks like boring old beach rock. The other side is the aurora borealis.
Far out.
.....................................
6 comments:
Every day I am amazed. I often talk to E about how I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that we came together and created this little bitty creature that has now turned into this full-on kid and how it's just so unbelievable, but also totally makes sense...but then doesn't again. We have a similar ultrasound picture and I just can't wrap my mind around how she got from that to this, you know? Total mind trip.
Although the feeling has definitely lessened into toddlerhood I still have those very strong - Wow, you're a real person, like a 100% full fledged individual with thoughts and feelings - moments and my mind is completely blown by the power of parenthood. Beautiful post. (Ivy looks so snuggle-able as always!)
I know! I think you put into words so well what I felt with each of my babes. It is truly amazing and I can't wrap my mind around the awesomeness of it all. She is beautiful, by the way!
Beautifully articulated! I love that post. I feel it SO often. And say the same thing to my husband... I sometimes here my two together while I'm doing some menial task and then stop and think, "WHO THE HELL ARE THEY?! They weren't here just a few years ago! Where were they before? How did that happen? Holy crap we made PEOPLE!"
Staring at the bigger one and then the littlest also trips me out - I hold her 4 yo hands and the wee 4 month old hands and just... wow.
I was very happy to uncover this site. I need to to thank you for ones time for this wonderful read!
! I definitely loved every little bit of it and I have you book-marked to check out new stuff in your blog.
Stop by my webpage : click the next internet page
I had to google abalone shell. Because while I know what it is, in theory, I couldn't envision it.
I have four of those. In varying sizes and stages, and I often feel exactly that way. This utter amazement that THOSE came out of ME.
Post a Comment