Monday, June 4, 2012

Twenty-Nine Weeks

Twenty-Nine Weeks

On Sunday I mowed the lawn and felt very awesome about my ability to get things done...until I went to put the mower away and pain shot through my low back. Yes, I threw my back out mowing the lawn. Which is pretty pathetic, I have to say. I'm usually very careful standing, lifting and changing positions (the little bridge-hula maneuver I do to turn over in bed is stupid-looking but great back insurance), so the idea that I could hurt myself walking around my front yard offends me. This is my second pain flare-up in three weeks. I've already started chiropractic care, but I'm seriously considering a buying a maternity belt. Because I have given up on the ridiculous notion that my core is capable of supporting itself. I have also abandoned all hope of ever feeling sexy again. At least for the next few years.

Twenty-Nine Weeks

I'm very at odds with my body now. The pain certainly isn't helping, but mostly it's the weight. At 29 weeks, I've gained 25 pounds—and I feel like a complete failure. Because as practically every pregnancy resource will tell you, 25 pounds is an acceptable amount of weight to have 40 weeks. I know that 25 pounds is the bottom of the "healthy" range for a full term pregnancy, but the idea that I'm "over" where I should be is hard to shake. And I worry about how much bigger I'm going to get.

The receptionist at Rob's office thinks I'm "tiny" for having about two more months to go. I managed to stop myself from blurting out, "It's a total optical illusion! You should see me naked!"

I may have to become something of a nudist over the next ten weeks. Getting dressed is becoming a lot more challenging. Thank heaven for long, loose maxi skirts! I wanted to avoid wearing maternity clothes as much as possible this pregnancy, and my body seems to agree with that goal at least, as I've already outgrown my maternity jeans. I tried on a pair of maternity jeggings this week, hoping the "-eggings" part would mean stretchy comfort for my lower half. Alas, no. I just ended up with a pregnant muffin top. NOT a good look.

Twenty-Nine Weeks

The baby seems to be slowing down a bit, movement-wise. She doesn't startle me now, or wake me up with her punches. Naturally, instead of being grateful for the break, I worry that this means something is wrong. I still feel her move a little during day, but she seems to hit her sweet spot in the evenings. She's most active while I'm resting in my crazy nest of 300 pillows and Rob is reading out loud.

Almost every night, Rob and I have some version of the conversation where we just stare at each other and marvel: "There's going to be a baby." I don't know why it keeps hitting us like this. But I still sometimes gape at Westley and think, We MADE him. And now there's going to be another, slightly (very?) different one. How is that even possible?

How do our bodies manage do this crazy thing? With relatively little help from us? If I think about it too hard, it doesn't seem real anymore.

Twenty-Nine Weeks



Lea said...

You are too cute! Do you think baby gets crazy when Rob reads out loud because she likes hearing his voice?

Sara said...

It doesn't seem real at all. How are our bodies capable of doing all this and then producing life-sustaining food to top it off? It is crazy to think that at the end of the day we are just animals like all the others and this is just the way of things.

I was going to say you are looking tiny too, but don't want you to throw a shoe through the screen at me. :) I realize how deceiving this all can be, for I look much more pregnant in clothing than I do without and it's all a bit mind-boggling.

laurel said...

You look fabulous! I'm 18 weeks with my second and my belly is definitely the same size as yours, haha. I have only managed to pack on 5-6lbs so far but now deep into the 2nd trimester I fear the worst as I am able to cook and bake and EAT now. Ughh! I wouldn't worry too much if I we're you. You're growing a baby and the weight will have to be something you worry about after. Just be for now!

Michelle said...

Aww, you look great! I wouldn't fret about the weight gain too much. One of my favorite bloggers wrote about this subject recently and I think it hits it on the head:

Mama Smith said...

I don't want to say you're crazy about worrying about 25 lbs... but you're crazy! You look perfect and healthy and I dont know anyone who gained that little (I gained twice that and I'm only 5'-3"). You are all belly too so don't fret.

Jen O said...

You look great! Pregnancy suits you well. Love the shirt! You do a great job dressing while pregnant - I had the hardest time wrapping things around that big belly and still look good!

Allison the Meep said...

I'm not going to try to talk you out of feeling weird about your body, because I felt weird about my body during pregnancy. I feel weird about my body now. So I understand not feeling like your body is your own, and not feeling in control of the weight gain. But if I may throw my two cents in, I think you look so beautiful. You don't look like you've gained that much weight at all, and you look perfectly proportioned. You know how some people suddenly get really huge upper arms when pregnant? Or in my case, a big fucking giant fat face. With fourteen extra chins. That was me. But you don't have any of that. You just look like this really pretty lady with a normal body, and a basketball that you've smuggled from a sporting goods store under your shirt.

When I think about how we can grow other people from seemingly nothing, my head spins. It's one of the things that keeps me from being a complete atheist, because when I think of the complexity of our bodies, I can't think that it's just some randomness or accident.