Monday, June 25, 2012

Thirty-Two Weeks

Thirty-Two Weeks

First off, I hope everyone for whom Pride was yesterday is feeling very happy and proud, embracing the queerness in themselves and others. It was a glorious, sunny (!!!) day in Seattle, with much happiness, cheering, and very little clothing.

Pride

Proud Superheroes (Superqueeroes?)

Even doped-up on cotton candy, Westley was not fully convinced of the parade's coolness. He enjoyed my pointing out cute dogs to him, many of whom were dressed in colorful bandanas or tutus. The Leather Daddies cracking their whips got him to sit up and take notice. But his favorite thing by far was the truckload of Furries.

Furries

Westley Loves Furries

I wanted to celebrate loudly and proudly, with hugs and high-fives and lots of pictures, but my energy deserted me. It took only a couple busses blasting "YMCA" before I started to feel tired, sore, and ridiculously pregnant.

How weird that just a week or two ago, I was marveling at how well I was feeling, saying things like, "This is great. The belly size is good, I'm still pretty comfortable, things are great." This week everything started to feel...not good.

Thirty-Two Weeks
Trying SO HARD to smile, you guys.

My feet are already tired when I get up in the morning. They aren't any bigger, and I've managed to avoid growing cankles—I think. I still weigh myself every morning (27 pounds gained), but seeing the number on the scale is not easy. Logistically-not-easy. I can't actually see my lower half past the hugeness of the belly.

Planet Belly

Speaking of my lower half, hemorrhoids are now out of control. They're not painful (yet), but all the king's coconut oil and all the king's witch hazel cannot get them to calm down. Also, any and all interest in sex I might have had before this week has vanished. Nothing turns me on. None of the old, reliable tricks appeals any more. Even hugging feels uncomfortable.

My upper half isn't faring much better than the lower. Left to their own devices, my breasts are wide-set and like to go their separate ways. As they continue to grow (because who doesn't want a bra size with a gazillion Ds in it?) they have decided to break off their relationship for good. After expanding outward toward my right and left sides respectively, my breasts are now so far apart I'm going to call them Tit Romney and Boobrack Obama.

My physical complaints have nothing on my mood, though, which took a nose-dive this week. Even when I'm not having nightmares, I wake up plagued by a sense of nonspecific dread. Ridiculous things upset me—dust on the baseboards, having to wash my hair, the idea of grocery-shopping—and I spend most mornings feeling like I could burst into tears at any minute. I need to check myself before I speak, because my voice often comes out sounding hostile or annoyed.

Earlier in pregnancy, I resisted using hormones as the go-to excuse for every twinge and change, but now? I'm blaming it ALL on the hormones, because I can! It's not that I'm being a jerk, it's my hormones!

This isn't much consolation for Westley, who's had to contend with a tired, cranky, tearful mother more often than he deserves. I really have to keep myself in check around him, with a constant stream of mental reminders that He's not doing it on purpose to annoy you, he's only four, this is temporary, gonna be OK, da-doo-doo-doo, just dance... 

Before preschool finished, I had visions of walking with Westley to the park every day until the baby was born, playing in the yard, and finding a few non-dandelion things to grow in front of the house. But the weather has been giving us lots of gloom and rain, keeping Westley, me, and my lousy hormones cooped up in the house. It really doesn't feel like summer.

As I was getting Westley ready for a bath one day—partly because having a bath is a fun indoor thing to do, and partly because I no longer fit in the tub and like to bathe vicariously through my son—I pointed out the liquid barrage on the skylight above our heads.

"Can you believe it's summer and it's raining this hard?"

Westley's face lit up. "Is it summer now? Is the baby going to be born today?"

For months, I relied on "summer" as a way of talking about way-off-in-the-future time that didn't involve an overwhelming explanation of how calendars work. Now that summer's here (whether or not it feels like it), I'm going to have to come up with something else.

"Pretty soon," I told him. "She's got about another six weeks or so. Which is kind of a long time and kind of not."

Thirty-Two Weeks

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12 comments:

Allison the Meep said...

Six weeks. And then you will be holding a new person. A new person that you just freaking grew in your body. HOLY MONKEYS!

As always, you are looking fabulous. Even if you don't feel it.

And Happy Pride, Seattle!

Sara said...

Isn't it lucky that there is a nice pot o' gold...or baby...at the end of this not-so-pleasant-at-times rainbow? Not that it makes getting through things any easier, but at least it can help knowing there's an end in sight, an end with a pretty great prize. Although if you're anything like me when you're irritable you might just want to slap me right now for trying to focus on the positive.

Anyway, lookin' good mama and awesome for you and your family to be able to get out and enjoy Pride. We were down toward our local celebration on Saturday for a midwife appointment, but missed out on any of the festivities with a busy weekend.

Mia said...

But you look great! Even if you don't feel it right now.

Mama Smith said...

You look beautiful, and 27 pounds is like nothing! How can you have gained so little this far along?

Hope you start to feel as good as you look.

MOMSICLE VIBE said...

Looking amazing! We have the same weather and I was feeling all bummy about it until Soleil said one day, "WHOA. I'm sure glad it is raining because those flowers are soooo thirsty." Well, that didn't fix my feelings entirely, but it helped a little.
And I have used the exact same "summer" strategy with Soleil. Baby will be here at the end of summer. She just found out it is summer. Now she asks every day if summer is over yet :)

Anonymous said...

perfect time to take pics of a bare belly...what do you think? thx

Danielle said...

You look beautiful, Noelle.
I can't believe you'll be giving birth in such a short time!

Anonymous said...

I just love how honest you are!
I always look forward to your weekly updates on your pregnancy. :)

Lauren Knight said...

Oh, you look beautiful! And 27 lbs is really not much at all! It will drop off in no time, don't worry!

Yay Pride Yay!!! Hope you are getting plenty of rest.

Paige said...

You look fabulous! Seriously- SOO good. I don't get over "here" often enough, but I am always so happy to see that belly when I do ;)

I had the 'roids this time round... I found a homeopathic ointment that helped A TON... H-Care maybe? It was the only one our health food store carried. Also... EAMB Momma Bottom Spray or Balm... both great, but I preferred the convince of the spray!

We did calendar of sorts with Tank... I just printed out an excel spreadsheet that was 7 columns across, then marked "today" and "due date" as if it was a calendar. Then every morning we'd cross off a box/day. It saved me from answering the "When is/How long until April?" question 5000 times a day.

Anonymous said...

Can I ask you where you get all your cute maternity dresses from?!

Kate the Great said...

Tit Romney and Boobrack Obama may be the best thing said in the history of forever!