Searching for a doula on the Internet feels how I imagine online dating must feel. Visiting Web sites, sizing up pictures and profiles, things go from zero to skeevy-weird pretty quickly.
"She's cute. I'd totally have her over to my house at two in the morning."
Or maybe that's just me.
One of the sites is even called Doula Match, which sounds like a specialty dating Web site. Single vegetarian doula seeks same for informational, emotional, and physical support. And much like a finding a potential partner, identifying doulas who might be a good match for you means wading through birth-centered buzzwords and cliches. The biggest one—and the one I have the biggest problem with—is the word "empowering."
At first glance, "empowering" seems like it would be a great thing. Giving women power over the birth process? Awesome, right?
Wrong. What's not awesome about empowerment is the "giving" part. Empowering women to give birth naturally. Empowering parents to take an active role in labor. In these constructions, the women and families being given the power are objects, rather than the subjects of their own situations. "Empower" is a transitive verb; I do something to you.
Empowerment isn't really about the person being "empowered." It's about the person or entity doing the empowering. In terms of birth, empowerment is the opposite of woman-centered maternity care.
I don't think this is what doulas mean when they mention empowerment. I'm sure there are doulas who bring their own agendas into the labor room (ego is part of being human, after all), but most people talking about "empowering" others are actually trying to avoid disempowerment.
Especially within the hospital system, medical care providers may throw around the weight of their experience, claiming the power in the situation and therein disempowering an expectant mother. The presence of a doula can support a woman in advocating for herself. That's not empowering someone; it's "anti-disempowering" her.
Why does this matter? It matters to me because I love language and I care about how we use it. It matters to society because how we talk about birth—and how we talk about transforming maternity care in this country—shapes our cultural attitudes towards women in labor (and women in general). It's not just a misogynist medical community we're dealing with here. Our choice of words in our homes to our friends, and to strangers on the Internet often supports the pervasive image of childbirth as scary and dangerous, and mothers as powerless and in need of rescue. Even when that's not the intent.
It's clear that doulas need a new word. One that reflects more accurately what happens with power during labor and birth when a loving, skilled, woman-centered support person is present. "Avoiding disempowerment" is incredibly clunky.
The word "doula" comes from Ancient Greek by way the the 1970s. Perhaps there is another new-old word that could take the place of "empowerment" in contemporary birth language. If it weren't already such a loaded word with multiple associations, I would suggest "matriarchy"—which literally means "government by mothers."
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8 comments:
I'm not sure if my Doula used the word "empowerment" ever. I think she spoke more in terms of being an advocate for the mother and father when they were more susceptible to outside suggestion. I guess you could see that as being "anti-disempowering" :-)
Did you have a doula last time? My doula was INVALUABLE to me. I am also really going to need her this time for many reasons. I feel that what she did was really facilitate my experience. She helped create space for myself and my partner to use the strengths we already brought to the experience and to reflect to us our goals and values at times when we felt challenged or discouraged. This enabled us to advocate for ourselves and move forward with confidence.
I know exactly what you mean about use of language - for me support and facilitation describe best what she added to the experience. And, there was a huge element of teaching as well actually... That was my experience!
I didn't have a doula last time—and looking back, Rob and I both would have benefitted immensely from having one. This time, depending on how things go, we may end up with TWO!
So funny your equation of seeking doula to a personal add :) my birth experience was very not natural because I ended up having to be induced quite early for medical reasons... My cousin just gave birth in Chicago (where midwives are not legal ?!) and she had a very difficult time with her doula. She was having crazy contractions a minute apart for a day and the doula dissuaded her from going to the hospital and when she ultimately did it was a good thing because of complications and would have been better earlier. So hard to know all the factors but it does seem like a challenge to select someone whowidow dom you really trust to help you through the process. Good luck and if it isn't too personal, share what factors help you make your decision!
you should start doula speed dating in your free time.
The doctor I used to work for served as my doula and I really do not know what I would have done without her! I was 21, had an unplanned pregnancy, and she was a great support throughout the entire process. I will always be grateful she was there for me. I hope you find a great doula, there is definitely one out there for you somewhere!
I agree that we need a new word for the work of doulas. My midwife actually ended up also serving as my doula when we transferred to the hospital. Her services and attention were absolutely invaluable, but she didn't "empower" me, I empowered myself. She was an amazing advocate and knowledgeable partner in birth (that doesn't sound right, does it?) but yes, new birthing language would be beneficial to all involved. Good luck in your doula search!
"anti-disempowering"
Nailed it.
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