I know some people object to the word "partner" for one's significant other because it makes it sound like you work together. Well, guess what? Rob and I do work together, like a well-oiled machine! (Well oiled.) We're managing a household, growing a family, and we're working at it every day. We are associates in life.
Unlike so many words connected to people and relationships, "partner" is gender-neutral. Mention to your invitees that partners are also welcome at the party and you've really included everyone: male, female, and other!
Some people argue that a husband is so much more meaningful than a "mere" partner. While I disagree with this on an etymological level (partner comes from "joint heir," while husband comes from "master of the house"; which of the two has more meaning is open to interpretation), it is certainly true under the law. We tend to reserve the words "husband" "wife" for legal marriages, and marriage is not equal right now. A "partner" is certainly less than to someone who cannot legally have a husband.
When I refer to "my partner" in a group of people who don't know me well, I could just as easily be talking about a woman. People look at me a little funny when I do it, which is part of the reason I continue to do it. It's a great way of challenging heterosexual privilege.
Even after six and a half years, though, I still find that "partner" doesn't roll trippingly off the tongue. It's a little clunky, as relationship words go, though I find it vastly preferable to "spouse." (Ick.) Also, as much as I like what "partner" suggests, "boyfriend" is way hotter. But I think if I suddenly started referring to "my boyfriend," my family would worry.
10 comments:
Congratulations on 6 years!!! :D
I your use of the word partner. It makes total sense. I am going to refer to my husband as partner next time I am in a big group of women. Cannot wait to see what kind of faces I will get! ;-)
That boyfriend bit made me laugh, and then I realized that I absolutely agree; "boyfriend" is totally hot!
I wrestle with this one too. 'My husband' always sounds oddly possesive (not sure why) but it is what I use because partner is too referential of square dancing in my warped head, spouse is no good, significant other doesn't do it, mate makes me think of mating.... there's no good word!
Congrats on your long marriage er... partnership ;)
Lovely post. And I use the word partner for all the reasons you mentioned (although I didn't know the respective etymologies, thank you!) We've probably been thought gay at some point or another, but who cares? It is important to challenge heteronormativity and current laws... oh yeah, and I just really hate the world "husband".
Worst relationship phase: fiance. Ridiculous. I kept calling Nick my boyfriend throughout. Because it is hot.
Congratulations on more than six years of partnership! In conversation I go back and forth between "partner" and "husband". I definitely agree that partner is a more accurate and also inclusive term, but unfortunately it often slips my mind.
Titles are just sooo weird. I call E my partner at times, but often just call him my fella, and I don't even know how I'll feel about husband. We're just US and it's so weird to define that. I definitely like the way you do things though.
Rob is totally your partner AND your boyfriend. Ahh, the complexities of life. I really only think that Rob would get worried if you started calling someone else your boyfriend.
Boyfriend DOES sound sexy. Husband sounds so old to me...even though I'm old enough to get over it right? Fiance always sounded too fancy. Lables are hard mang..."my Peter" works LOL
I do use the word husband in conversation even though it sounds too much like a wife is a possession (I think maybe I am reading too much into it. Too much "wives submit to your husbands" crap that I was brainwashed with in my youth), but Wade and I call each other partner at home. "Partner! Good to see you!" or "Partner, would you please pass the almond milk?" Stuff like that.
I recently confused Julian because I referred to Wade as my boyfriend. He said, "I thought Bono was your boyfriend?" Oh, yes, Julian. He is.
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