Monday, February 6, 2012

Twelve Weeks

Twelve Weeks

This is not my back yard. I'm standing in front of one of Tony Smith's Wandering Rocks at the Seattle Art Museum's Olympic Sculpture Park. I'm also feeling very silly for starting this photo series so early. With Westley, I didn't start really showing until almost the six-month mark (I'm all torso), which means we've got many weeks of bloat pictures ahead of us.

This week I have a towering emotional wall to scale. I was 12 weeks, 2 days pregnant when I started miscarrying last time. While I know this pregnancy is very different from my last one, and I've seen our alive-and-kicking fetus three times in four weeks, I still don't really feel safe. And while my cervix may be long and strong according to ultrasound measurements, it is in no way down to get the friction on! The tiniest jostle, or even just a busy day with lots of standing and walking makes my cervix bleed, which turns me into a whirlwind of anxiety for several days.

I think I might have some kind of antepartum environmental illness. I'm like Julianne Moore in Safe with the addition of pregnancy hormones. I'm suddenly allergic to strangers, too much noise, big box stores, air conditioning, and my couch. The last one might be an actual allergy. I lie on the couch most evenings, and go to bed with a faceful of hives. I'm also super-sensitive to caffeine. After weeks of no caffeine at all, I had a few squares of dark chocolate one afternoon, and it might as well have been a quad Venti latte.

I am also addicted to all things pregnancy. That person trolling your blog archives for tales of your first trimester? This girl. I can't get enough. No one close to me is pregnant, and we still haven't told anyone other than our parents and close friends. Besides, I want to see what you were wearing. (Skirts with wide or fold-over waistbands, leggings, and lots of layers, apparently.)

Speaking of clothes, for those who've asked, last week I wore this American Apparel unitard. I've also been living in their high-waist leggings. I also picked up a few tunic-y tops at thrift last week, including the dress I'm wearing here. It's stretchy and very soft; the first day I wore it, I ended up sleeping in it.



Mary Ruth Gilliam said...

If you're into all things baby and pregnancy at the moment, you have to check out the Marvelous Kiddo blog. I've been addicted to that blog since before I can remember, and it's my go-to guide to read birth stories.

Good luck!

Tara said...

Oh, man. I was such a mommy blog stalker during my pregnancy. I think I had convinced myself that if I read enough I could prevent anything bad from happening. There's comfort in reading about other people's experiences. I think in some ways (or at least for me) it helps you own your own a little more. This week is a really big milestone for you and I am happy to hear that all is going well. I'm so sorry about the physical restrictions that you have to put on yourself. Hopefully as your pregnancy progresses you will be able to be more active.

Also I want to steal that tunic.

Mama Smith said...

You look great- good to document early. You never know when you'll pop! I wish I was aware if the world of blogs during my pregnancy... But given how paranoid I was maybe it was a good thing. Heading into the second trimester is such a good feeling. I'm sure once you get through this week you'll be more at ease.

Jane Mc said...

Ha! I'm currently 11 weeks pregnant, reading your archives as a source of a "pregnancy buddy." Funny coincidence for me to be doing that, and ready about you doing it! I'm only a couple of weeks off from where you were this time last year, which only increases my interest and enjoyment. :)

Your belly pics inspired my approach, btw!