I broke up with my pants this week. It wasn't just because of the holes. My jeans still fit, and they're relatively comfortable...until I sit down, which I do often, and then yeeouch. Looks like it'll be all high-waisted leggings and unitards, all the time for me. Until I get sick of feeling like I'm always either about to work out or go to bed, that is. (Unitards were my pajamas-of-choice last year. I just started wearing them out of the house this winter, first to yoga class, and then as an extra layer. Now, they're indispensable.) I want to put off wearing actual maternity clothes for as long as possible.
I'm still battling nausea, especially after 4:00 PM. I call it "evening sickness." I power through dinner, and then most nights I just lie on the couch, bloated and queasy until bedtime. But I'm starting to feel the tiniest bit more energetic. My back pain flare-up is calming down, and I even managed to exercise this weekend. Plodding along on the elliptical with an incline of zero hardly counts as "working out," but it's better than nothing.
After almost two weeks with no spotting, I woke up in the wee hours of Saturday morning to some reddish-brown blood. It stopped me dead in my tracks. I put on a mini cloth pad, drank some water, got back in bed, and started reciting some of my affirmations.
In daylight hours, affirmations seem silly. Mantra meditation makes me feel like a trapped animal, and inspirational quotes sound kind of smarmy when I read them. But at night, my mind is not a place I want to hang out in by myself. It's the worst part of town. So I wrote out some positive pregnancy affirmations, for when the psychic streetlights start flickering ominously and I'm pretty sure that guy walking towards me has a knife. Corny things like:
My body is strong and healthy.
My baby is safe and growing beautifully.
I have everything I need.
And the list goes on. It's so ridiculous. I'm completely embarrassed to be lying in bed (or driving, or waiting for a table at a restaurant, or wondering what that painful twinge was all about) and repeating shit like My cervix is doing exactly what it's supposed to do inside my head—but it helps. I stop imagining the worst, and start laughing at myself for being a New Age weirdo.
8 comments:
I so understand the affirmations. When I say them, I don't even know who or what I'm saying them to, other than myself. When I think positive things for other people, or prayers as some might call them, I don't know who I'm praying to. Just that I'm praying and hoping that it's heard. The mind at night is a really un-fun place to be. It goes to really scary corners that I'd rather not dwell on, but seem only to be able to dwell on at night.
The unitard as an outfit base is brilliant. I don't know why I have never experimented with unitards before. Oh, wait. Yes I do. Because I suck at fashion. I'll just copy your cool fashion ideas and hope you don't mind.
I am so late to congratulate you on your pregnancy (so sorry!) and I am sending you ever bit of love and healthy thought I can muster. You got this, mama. Loving you and that beautiful bod.
Are these the high waisted leggings? I need purple pants. Now.
Also Nolie saw the tiny thumbnail of this in my reader and said "oooooh a tiny baby bump in the womb!" (she is kind of a freak for accurate terms and names for everything) So you are, in our house, officially showing!
also my word verification is daughal... so you are probably having a daughter.
I as well am a New Age weirdo. I found that mantras really helped me during my early postpartum phase, helping to ease away from the crazy and bring some calm back into the picture. Sometimes I find that just saying the words takes away the power from whatever I'm fearing or dwelling on. If mantras make you feel better then rock out with your hippy-dippy self and keep on reciting your affirmations!
BTW, you look adorable in this photo. Love the purple leggings (or unitard?).
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I am sending you positive affirmations as well! I had a very scary first pregnancy and I know how hard it is to ever feel 'safe' during a pregnancy, especially after what you went through last year. Hope your morning sickness gives you a break soon too!
Those leggings are super cute!!
Positive thinking is powerful - new age or not! I was so paranoid during my pregnancy after a previous early loss that I literally woke up every single day and said "today I am pregnant and I'm grateful for it". I never missed a day and I felt silly but somehow it helped. You look wonderful and this baby is healthy and strong :)
Love the look!
About the affirmations, I have them ALL over my house. Post-Its stuck above light-switch plates, the thermostat, in the bathroom. All birthing related. I don't really recite them, I just put them in places I'll see and read them over and over and OVER. Maybe until I believe them :-)
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