On Sunday night, for no apparent reason, I had a slobbering-sobbing-mess meltdown. (Rob held my hands and said, "They said this would happen. That we'd feel crappy and not know why." He was referring of course to the miscarriage.) Yesterday, I wanted to throw bricks through windows - and worse. Westley walking through a giant mud puddle two minutes after we arrived at the park brought me right to the edge of tearing up. Everything in my life was broken and wrong. I was angry at the air.
The (mom-)voice in my head said, "You need an attitude adjustment." And instead of telling her fuck off, mind your own business, I thought, "Yes, I do."
But one thing my mother never got to was how to change an attitude. All the prescription eyewear in the world won't change the view that says everything is fucked. When I tilt my left ear towards my left shoulder, my neck pops; but I can't crack my emotions. (Wouldn't that feel amazing?)
I'm told everyone has these eight-shades-of-awful days (though I'm not really sure I believe that). So, I ask you, how do you do it? When everything looks awful, or even just "off", what brings you out on the other side?