Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Attitude Adjustment

Whenever I got pissy and irritable growing up, my mother would tell me I needed "an attitude adjustment." This usually changed my perspective on things only insomuch as it made me want to scream at her. Because my mother was also the one who was all about identifying and discussing feelings, the "attitude adjustment" comment suggested that my feelings of wanting to throw bricks through windows were unfounded.

On Sunday night, for no apparent reason, I had a slobbering-sobbing-mess meltdown. (Rob held my hands and said, "They said this would happen. That we'd feel crappy and not know why." He was referring of course to the miscarriage.) Yesterday, I wanted to throw bricks through windows - and worse. Westley walking through a giant mud puddle two minutes after we arrived at the park brought me right to the edge of tearing up. Everything in my life was broken and wrong. I was angry at the air.

The (mom-)voice in my head said, "You need an attitude adjustment." And instead of telling her fuck off, mind your own business, I thought, "Yes, I do."

4 Eyes

But one thing my mother never got to was how to change an attitude. All the prescription eyewear in the world won't change the view that says everything is fucked. When I tilt my left ear towards my left shoulder, my neck pops; but I can't crack my emotions. (Wouldn't that feel amazing?)

I'm told everyone has these eight-shades-of-awful days (though I'm not really sure I believe that). So, I ask you, how do you do it? When everything looks awful, or even just "off", what brings you out on the other side?



Liliana said...

First of all, LOOOOVE the glasses. TOTALLY suit your face.

I WISH I knew what to do when I feel grumpy, but man, I'm one mean mama and wife when I've had a shitty day. Try as I may, I can't seem to get myself out of the funk until the sun rises the next day.

The worst part is, my oldest totally feeds off my mood. So when I'm angry, he's angry. When I'm impatient, he slows down. The negativity feeds and breeds and takes over!! Gaaaahhh.

It totally sucks that you have these days too, but it's also comforting to know that I'm not alone in my grumpiness. Some moms seem like they've got their shit together all the time and it makes we wonder if I'm crazy.

Hope tomorrow is a better day.

notmommy said...

I'm terribly at getting out of funks. It takes me a few days to even notice I'm in one (and it's not really the world crashing down on my head). I do a lot of yelling and sulking and then it's over. I'm trying not to be so moody, but I'm not really sure how to go about changing. Diet and exercise are my only avenues these days, and those aren't quick fixes by any means.

Anonymous said...

I just started reading your blog and I feel like I know what you are exactly writing about here. Lately I acknowledge how my body actually feels (good or bad) in the moment in an objective way. For example-I notice the sensation of my hands on the steering wheel, the pit in my stomach-what does it feel like etc. It seems to help center me in the moment and quiets the downward spiral chatter in my own head. I also try and release by looking at the nature around me and trying to feel the amazement in that. I suffer from depression and am also dealing with it naturally. I know how you feel.