Monday, March 28, 2011

Weight For Me

None of my pants fit.

Okay, that's not entirely true. My postpartum-with-Westley pants fit, but I refuse to wear them; they just scream, "I'm waiting to fit into my real clothes again." And, naturally, my maternity jeans fit. But we're not going there. Not even a little.

So yes, after several weeks of eating like a pregnant woman who'd recently rediscovered eating, followed by a week of cookies for breakfast, I have some weight to lose. Not very much, but a non-zero amount (as Rob would say). Enough to keep my jeans from buttoning.

Pre-pregnancy, I was always teetering on the edge of my clothing size. A few pounds gained, and certain wardrobe items became off-limits. And sizing up turned out to be too much of a change, with waistbands gapping and knees bunching and asses sagging. Clearly, I need to make friends with a tailor.

Restricting my caloric intake and upping my exercise is never something I look forward to, but it feels especially insulting right now. In twelve weeks, I didn't have much time to get especially pregnant-looking, and now, I can't even pretend that the flesh oozing out over my waistband is me "showing." On the other hand, getting back into my clothes (without compromising my health) is a project - something to take my mind off of the tricks my unborn child would have been doing in utero this week, something to distract me while I wait for a normal period, the beacon of "all's well."

For a brief moment, I considered saying, "Fuck it!" and putting everything that doesn't fit into a bag and donating it all to Goodwill. But while that's probably the (mentally) healthier thing to do, I'm vain enough that doing so would feel more like admitting defeat than a gesture of empowerment.

And eating lots of raw fruit and salads? Never a bad idea.



Liliana said...

Ah! I hadn't even thought of that. Indeed, what another bummer. :-( I have a similar sensation of not quite fitting into my pre-baby jeans, but squeezing them on because I am also not quite a size bigger, but perhaps a half a size. Just enough for a muffin top look. Fabulous.

Maybe you'll be pregnant again before you know and can slip into those lovely (ha!) maternity pants again without feeling the "arg!" Maternity jeans are enough to make anyone feel annoyed.


Ah shit, that sucks. So many little (and not so little) blows after the initial "downpour of awful".

I feel for ya.

I was just lamenting on the weekend because I had to buy a new (and very boring) outfit for a new job. I was SHOCKED to see what size I am currently requiring. Ugh. It is TWO YEARS later... where did my body go?