I don't know when it happened, but every woman of childbearing age in the greater Seattle area is pregnant. It's unbelievable. Every time I go to the grocery store, take Westley to the park, or even just glance out my front window, it looks like a Lamaze class just got out!
Although up here, I guess it's more likely to be a "Birthing From Within" class.
Regardless, I keep noticing all of these lovely expectant mamas - many toting around children close to Westley's age - and I'm feeling sort of left out.
No, wait. It's not quite "left out." More like... I desperately want to be pregnant!
I am so fucking envious of these women, and I can't stop wishing it were me rocking basketball belly and the "glow."
My, oh-hey-the-IUD-is-out-might-get-pregnant-soon casual attitude has transformed into something bordering on sick, baby-carrying obsession. I'm not quite as bad as the woman I knew in college who would pat the sides of her lower abdomen and declare, "I'm pregnant with half-babies" (referring to her zillions of eggs). But I am plowing through all the pregnancy-and-childbirth books in the house at a surprising rate. I'm getting all hyper-Fertility-Awareness with myself. I'm probably one circle dance and a full moon away from smoking some "Mom To Be" tea.
"What is wrong with you?" I ask my pregnancy-fantasy self. "You hated being pregnant!"
It's true. I did hate being pregnant. Physical awfulness for five months, emotional awfulness for several more than that (not to mention my nightmarish plummet into postpartum depression), and, in the background, a life in a state of complete upheaval. Good times, my pregnancy.
Pregnancy Fantasy Me tries to convince Me-Me that I wouldn't hate it now. That the life upheaval part was the real issue last time. Now I wouldn't be dealing with a job that I hate, a miserable commute, or an unemployed husband. I wouldn't be about to move into a new house. I wouldn't have to take a crowded bus to midwife appointments with a heavy work bag and a giant belly.
And as for the body thing and the not feeling great, well, I certainly wouldn't be going out for enormous veggie burgers and French fries twice a week! (Pregnancy-Fantasy Me has a point, there.)
I'm ashamed to admit that the fantasy is pretty seductive, even when I try to brush some of the rainbow glitter off of it. I have to consider just how much better my life is now. Not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, very much improved. Pregnancy couldn't possibly be as miserable the second time around, could it? (And some of that misery has to be a figment of my imagination, doesn't it?)
For a moment, I quit fighting the fantasy and started playing around with Due Date Calculators. BabyCenter's due date calculator will let you put in a future date as the date of conception - very enticing for someone in a pregnancy daydream space. So I pretended that the expected start of my next period was my Last Menstrual Period in the obstetrical date sense.
For some reason, seeing my fake 2011 due date freaked me right out.
Then, while clothes shopping for Westley today (underpants are go!), I rounded a corner and found myself in the maternity section.
Oh, sweet Mother Mary, maternity clothes. Whether or not the memory of my overall pregnancy misery level is accurate, the outfits are exactly as ghastly as I remember.
Pregnancy Fantasy Me thinks this is a great excuse to learn to sew.
6 comments:
I have to say I hated being pregnant the second time (but the first time I LOVED it). No more novelty. BUT... It went by so much quicker too, because the toddler kept me busy and didn't give me a moment to think about it. Also, I knew that #2 would be the last, so that helped me get through the nausea and sleepless nights.
I've been secretly (no secret now) waiting to hear the news that you are pregnant again with lots of excitment! :-) I'm always curious how life is for mamas with two kids.
I love your blog by the way. Keeps me entertained during night nursings. It's fabulous!
Oh, the pregnancy announcement is coming sooner than later, I'm sure. Pregnancy Fantasy Me is pretty persuasive.
The 2nd pregnancy sucks as bad as the first. I'm rounding out to 39 weeks, I'm swollen, hot, exhausted, crampy, anxious and all while having to take care of a 23 month old. I do not regret getting pregnant again, I'm super excited for #2 but I HATE PREGNANCY and will NEVER do it again!
The first time around I worked 60 hrs a week, had a terrible commute and was just miserable. That part has changed but now I get no time to relax because I have a tot to care for, way harder than a full time job. Mentally and physically I am way better off because I've done it before and I have no time to think about it because well, I have Emma.
Regardless of what your 1st was like, your second is way different but not necessarily misery free. I'm smaller and better equipped but I'm just a chick who hates being pregnant. As for the maternity clothes, why buy maternity clothes? This time around I went the anti-maternity look and was way happier. Buy bigger, stretchier stuff and you will be way happier.
Not trying to deter you, being pregnant may suck but in just a few days I am going to have an awesome little being to add to my family and am way happy. I'm so glad Emma gets to have a sibling and I get to take care of two! Good luck and stop worrying about whether you will hate pregnancy because odds are you will!
Audrey is only 6 months old and I already have pregnancy amnesia. I understood why I had it after Julian, because he was 5 before I got pregnant again. But man, it was only last summer that I was barfing my face off and I already don't really remember it.
That being said, NO MORE babies for me.
I'm also excited about your second child that hasn't even been conceived yet. The first one is so dang cute, I just want to see another.
I'm excited too! I want to see Big Brother Westley!
My husband is not cooperating with my baby #2 plans so of course everyone around me is getting pregnant. I am also pretty good at convincing myself being pregnant wasn't that bad but I remember hating it.
Post a Comment