Crazed Pregnant Chick: No!
CPC: Then you won't be able to have sex with me!
Rob: Uh, I can schedule the appointment for earlier...
There is an insane, nymphomaniacal knocked-up beeyotch in my house, and she's trying to keep my husband from doing a good deed because she knows about the "no heavy lifting or strenuous exercise for twelve hours" rule, and that really puts a damper on her post-dinner plans. Now, you might be doing the math and figuring that her mostly-willing victim should be good to go around midnight, but that's not soon enough for this pleasure-starved Harpy. Besides being up the pole and therefore calling 8:00 pm bedtime, she wants it when she wants it - plain and simple - and she wants it NOW! She must be stopped!
Oh, wait. That's me.
Yeah, well, I don't know what to tell you. It's totally not my fault. I had my crazy little freak moments before I got pregnant, but this is ridiculous. It has to be the hormones that everyone is always talking about. I mean, I was the biggest pregnancy-sex skeptic in the world. I scoffed at all of that "when the morning sickness wears off and the hormones kick in dot-dot-dot hey I'm just sayin'!" stuff that everyone and their mother suggested. I was all, No way, I will feel like shit forever. I will never want sex again. But I should have asked right then if anyone could recommend a nice marinade for those words, so they'd be nicely seasoned by the time I got around to eating them.
And I will get around to it. As soon as I'm done abusing my poor, wiped-out husband
two fifteen more times.