Thursday, October 27, 2016

If I were a turtle...

I'd have a sprawling gait. My bones would be thick. My vital organs would be completely enclosed.

I would never feel the pressure, nor the desire, to come out of my shell.


Monday, October 24, 2016


A new session of Beginning Ballet started tonight, and there were 13 dancers in a studio that really fits about eight, maybe nine. When I started dancing again, two years ago (I thought it was one year, but my teacher thinks it's two and I don't argue with him) there were four of us. Fifty-percent of the class was named Sarah then, and I remember the rond de jambe combination made me want to cry. Now it's one of my favorite things and I look forward to it.

Ballet is a reset button. I spent all day with a tension hangover from last week paired with premenstrual exhaustion. I skipped a mid-day nap in favor of a three-protein-bar lunch and a few minutes to work on Ivy's Halloween costume. I went into class tonight  kind of sluggish and grumpy from not enough sleep and no vegetables, but all that disappeared as soon as I started focusing on my tendu.

Something about dance just clears all the bullshit away. It might just be that it's wonderful to be in my body when I'm doing something, and dancing is my favorite something.


Thursday, October 20, 2016

Library Meditation

The Library might be my favorite place in the world. Not any specific library, but all libraries, everywhere. The general concept of The Library.

But I also love my library in particular, which is how I think of the branch in my city. Its name, my we're related.

That's where I am tonight, trying to write something and prove to myself that writing is like riding a bike, except this is one bike I might actually have forgotten how to ride. I even went searching for a list of "third grade writing prompts" which is exactly what I'd do if my child told me he thought maybe he wanted to write but didn't know what to write about. It was some of what you'd expect ("If I were the President..." and "My Family" and "A Favorite Vacation") with a few oddities thrown in ("If I were a turtle...").

I suppose I could write about myself as a turtle. I'd be on the beach right now, instead of in the library, probably. Maybe. I don't even know what kind of turtle I am. I'd better figure that out, I guess.

It's hard to be a turtle when I keep getting distracted by the sounds and smells of the enormous printer next to me. I parked myself at a print station on purpose because the computers there have a 30 minute limit instead of 60 minutes. I think there are 120-minute computers around here somewhere, which is my sad little stay-at-home-mother dream vacation right now: 120 minutes, on a library computer, surrounded by other people typing and working and studying. And the occasional squalling baby.

Poor squalling baby. And poor squalling baby's adults. My turtle-heart goes out to you, squalling-baby-family. I hope you all sleep deep, beautiful sleep after you leave the library tonight.